15 Funny One Year Anniversary Quotes

The institution of marriage is not what it used to be.

One example of this is the fact that there are so many one year anniversary quotes which are based on humor rather than romance.

Of course, the first year of marriage is really the year of adjustment. In the entertainment industry – especially in the movie business – an extraordinary number of marriages never make it to the end of the first year. Just to give a few recent examples of some very high profile disastrous unions and how long they lasted:

  • Mario Lopez and Ali Landry – 14 days
  • Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds – 14 days
  • Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman – 6 Days

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander managed to tolerate each other for the grand period of 55 hours!

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander marriage

But, that is still not a Hollywood record. That honor goes to Rudolph Valentino and actress Jean Acker. They were married in 1919 but barely was the service over before the bride had second thoughts and locked her new husband out of their honeymoon suite. After knocking for 20 minutes, Valentino simply went home and started divorce proceedings.

On the other hand, outside of Hollywood, most marriages last a little longer. According to the United States Census Bureau, the average time until separation is about seven years for couples who end up getting divorced.

So much – in most cases – for: “until death us do part!”

But death DID actually part the longest married couple in the world. According to the Guiness Book of World Records, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, were married 86 years, 9 months, and 16 days. When Herbert passed away he was 106 years old.

Perhaps you should keep the above information in mind when looking through our list of one year anniversary quotes.

It will help you to understand why the humor is not without a liberal dose of cynicism:

1. Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is.

One-Year-Anniversary-Today marks the first anniversary of me remembering when your anniversary is

2. I hope you have a great first anniversary and that this exempts me from ever having to remember it again.

3. Darling, I had a tear in my eye when I first saw you on our wedding. Like most men, I was wondering…Will she let me watch football? Happy Anniversary, Baby!

One Year Anniversary Will she let me watch football

4. Happy anniversary to a couple who almost never make me physically ill.

5. Happy anniversary from someone who knows more about the inner workings of your marriage than any third party should.

6. Your anniversary is a sobering reminder that the last time I got laid was at your wedding.

7. Happy Anniversary to someone who was my least deplorable marriage option.

8. Here’s to another year of me pretending to like your significant other.

9. After all this time, my desire to be with you is still slightly stronger than my desire to be single.

10. I hope we can never afford a divorce.

One-Year-Anniversary-I hope we can never afford a divorce

11. If I had to do it all again I’d still marry you because you were pregnant.

12. I want to grow old and disgusting with you.

13. I can’t believe how much I’m not sick of you.

One Year Anniversary I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you.

14. Let’s celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me.

15. If I still had a soul, you’d be its mate.

How long have you been married?

And, if you’re still single and hesitating, will our selection of one year anniversary quotes convince you to take the plunge?

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